It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
