So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
