Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
