Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
