apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
