guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
