just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
