I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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