oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
