She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
