awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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