I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
