I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize