Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
