everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
