i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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