you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
