I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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