i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
