I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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