So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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