That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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