I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
