his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
