matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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