i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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