I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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