Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
