I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
