There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
