but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
