Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
