my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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