Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
