You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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