I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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