Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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