accomplished twins. life is a go
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
should my penis look like a turkey
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
