He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
