Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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