It was confusing and full of hummus
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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