youre lurking in front of me
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How external is "for external use only"?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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