so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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