i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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