i will never coherently bang her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
