You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize