if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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