i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
