ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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