Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Holy sore nipples Batman
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
