Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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