I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
