hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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