I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
