She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
