Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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