hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize