I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
