you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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