My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
