I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
