yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize