remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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