Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
do nipples grow back?
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