i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
