I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
