I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
