Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
