I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
