You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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