Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
