dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
