tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He better not be in your backpack
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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